Fact or Fiction: Can enthusiastic beer consumption lead to BIGGER boobs?

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Tastefully crafted by Dr. Mr. ManCandy on  June 21st, 2012

Beer, Boobs, Oktoberfest, Germany, Beer Stein

Motifake.com

Being a man that spends most of his evenings navigating crowded dance floors and listening in on conversations between people of questionable sobriety, it’s no surprise that I hear things now and then that just don’t seem to add up. The tall tales that can fly around a bar are unmatched anywhere else in the world – just the other day I heard some bloke with a Corona trying to convince his well-endowed acquaintance that humans originally had two thumbs per hand. While I’m sure I’d be able to make use of that extra fondling ability, I’d be willing to bet our ancestors could barely figure out how to use two opposable thumbs, much less four. I normally let comments like this slide (more often than not it’s an embellished story told by a fellow man trying to reel in a flighty catch; amen!) but last week I heard something that whipped my head around faster than I can name all the Boobzie girls: Beer makes boobs BIGGER?!

Image Source: Beerpix.com

Now, I’ll admit, I’ve got my sensors set to the highest calibration when it comes to picking up on any mention of my favorite duo. But this one was a doozy – beer and breasts, existing in a symbiotic relationship? The doctor in me just had to get some more information. A few Google searches and some extensive field testing later, here’s what I found.

Reports say that there’s actually been some testing done on the subject of the beer-boob relationship, presumably by some curious and lucky scientists hired by beer companies. 

Image Source: BoobsandBreweries.com And, lo and behold, they panned out – the study proved that 15 beers a day for three months or more can help any lady make some progress towards the next cup size.

Beer companies like Bulgaria’s Boza saw their sales fly off the charts when they advertised this information, citing the chemical 8-prenylnaringenin as the secret ingredient to all improvements busty. 8-prenylnaringenin, a type of phytoestrogen, is found in the hops used to make beer and is essentially the plant-equivalent of estrogen. So, much in way that watching Good Will Hunting over and over will make you good at math, super-exposure to 8-prenylnaringenin should be able to break the clasps on your current bras in no time flat.

Wait a second. 
8-prenylnaringenin?


Not only does that sound like the result of freak keyboard spasm, but its existence in most beers is hardly detectable, making it pretty unlikely that this chemical of questionable origins should be a standard amongst the Boobzie girls. (Not that they need it, of course – those gals can still hold their own au naturale.) So what caused the measured increase in breast size, then? 

Boob TapWere the researchers “boob-blinded” (it’s a phenomenon, believe me), causing them to fudge their data?
I blame a more obvious culprit – C-A-L-O-R-I-E-S.
Anyone that’s been to college knows beer can pack on fat quicker than I can turn ladies’ heads at the bar.

Sure, 15 beers a day might stretch out your bikini tops a bit, but it’s gonna be stretching out the bottoms just as much.

Now, don’t get me wrong here – I still heartily recommend beer as a staple of every girl’s diet. When consumed in moderation, the health benefits abound – stronger hearts, cleaner kidneys, and even lower cancer risks – what’s not to like? There’s even a good chance you’ll lower your cholesterol as a result of the polyphenols which are found in hops, and the antioxidants offered by dark beer are hard to find so readily elsewhere. 

Image Source: BeerUniverse.comThese factors combined, beer isn’t too far off the mark as being prescribed as preventative medication.

I am a doctor, after all – you can take my word for it. Just don’t expect to see a sell-out in the DDs section after a long night at the bar. I’m not complaining, though – looks like there’s plenty to work with here tonight already.

Well, hello there!

Image Source: Motifake.com

 

Tastefully crafted by Dr. Mr. ManCandy on  June 21st, 2012

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