The Time Has Come to Ring-in the “Pectaurants”

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Tastefully crafted by Miss Beehaven on  August 8th, 2012

Breastarants, Teeteries, Hot Waiters, Pectaurants, Hooters for women, man candy, abs of steel, Magic Mike, Male Strippers, Female Review, Bachelorette parties

Image Source: WarnerBros

I have a secret to share my darlings….I’m a little, shall we say, bored with breastaurants. Now before you light your torches and head for my castle, let me just say I’m not and never will say “ta ta” to the tantalizing world of ta-tas, and of course I simply adore my wild and wonderful Boobzie girls and their impressive collection of double digit talent; but, I must say I’m a tad bit bored of knockers and knockwurst.

Are your ears starting to burn ladies?

You have only to look at my delicious Boobzie girls to agree that I have an uncanny ability to spot a trend.  If you’ve ever enjoyed a spicy chicken wing or two at a certain well-known breastaurant then…you’re welcome. No one can say that I haven’t done my “breast” for mankind; but now I feel compelled to turn my talents toward servicing the fairer sex. Yes, my darlings, dare I say it?

The time has come for men to ante up in the pursuit of hunky hospitality.

Don’t look so shocked. Since the moment my darling Hilary threw her hat into the presidential ring, I knew that the day of the bare-chested waiter could not be far behind. While Hilary, poor dear, didn’t quite move her tea set into the oval office, I firmly believe that chiseled pecs and chicken fried steak is a combination that is picking up steam with the Mommy and Me crowd.

And why shouldn’t it? If I, Queen of Cleavage, would appreciate a little more bicep and a little less boob with my bottle service some nights, how much more must the millions of abs-starved women (and some very fabulous men) be craving a long overdue transition from hottie to hunk when it comes to “check, please?”

Follow my perfectly manicured finger as it points toward Hollywood’s latest smash, “Magic Mike,” an utterly mesmerizing story about male strippers. I point this out as proof that women everywhere are just as excited about grasping a handful of dollar bills and a cheap vodka & tonic in a strip club as the men in their lives, with just a minor tweak to the eye candy, naturally. Of course, as a self-respecting trend spotter I’d like to point out that paying to ogle a man dance in front of you is just pointless; while paying a man to serve you food and drinks and grovel for tips is a much more satisfying use of your time and money.

In that respect I’d like to indulge in a little international “I told you so,” and direct your attention to Mies Container, a wonderfully popular and ever-so-sexy restaurant that opened in 2011 located, of all places, South Korea. As you may have guessed – I’m nothing if not intent on proving myself right—this delightful establishment has told the women of South Korea, “it’s a man’s world,” but you can order pizza and booze in it. Sizzling servers in hard hats and suspenders pushing fat laden comfort food with a side of martini and man-meat? Yes please. 

Image Source: Spencer Fu Photography

Not being a current resident of South Korea, my only option is to find my own hunky construction worker and demand he put down his jackhammer (although keep it within reaching distance please) and serve me a cheeseburger and martini on bended knee. But what of my sisters-in-spirit that have been sadly deprived of the necessary assets they need to make their own hospitality-centric demands on the blue collar male population? My poor deflated darlings with lingerie that falls lower down the alphabet than my lovely Boobzie girls or those unfortunate souls who find themselves eternally tied to just one man (why darlings, why?). It is for these poor souls that I find myself reaching for another glass of champagne to quell my pity. What is to be done for them?

 

Image Source: StripofMeat.com

The only logical answer is to open up a similar “pecstaurant” closer to home. Of course I propose this to some other forward thinking, hard working individual since I quite have my hands full running my own kingdom of curves.

Finding just the right mix of sex and customer service has long been the hallmark of other nations. Consider the Geisha. What a wonderfully fabulous idea that was for hundreds of very lucky men. At the thought of turning the tables – after all, who wouldn’t want their very own Spartacus?—there seems to be slightly less male enthusiasm.

Could it be that the very fragile male ego is slightly underwhelmed at the thought of ordering potato skins from a man who has been, shall we say, more blessed than the average male? And if that’s true, and my tingling ta-tas says it is, then stand back as I burn my bra (if I was wearing one) and holler, “who cares?”

Why shouldn’t a woman take the bull by the horn—so to speak—and open a pecstaurant right here in the red, white, and blue?

I pose this question to every one of my sisters-in-spirit: don’t men have enough without cornering the market on the double standard too? Those lucky devils have Hugh Hefner and the Girls Next Door, multiple sister wives, boxer briefs, and Viagra. Don’t we deserve a low-carb salad and a high-octane drink brought to us by a slightly oiled up, half-naked man keen for a kind word and a dollar tip? I say yes, and you should too because you simply do not know what you are missing darling!

Tastefully crafted by Miss Beehaven on  August 8th, 2012

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